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How it works on us...

We've been together for 2 and a half years from now, we are still thrilled every time we meet...

I know, 2 and a half is not that long. But who can say? Any thing could happen. We had problems, we quarrel, fight, yell unintentionally (really), lied to each other (everybody needs to lie a little) and after an hour or at the end of the day, we are back to normal, happy again. Luckily, neither of us EVER fight about third-parties (maybe not now) but I am pretty sure there is a thin possibility that he will ever cheat on me. That is because we are an open couple. Open couples are less likely to cheat to each other unlike those closed couples, because they tend to hide their true feeling for each other. They just let problems arise and work it out on their own instead of working it out together. RELATIONSHIP IS FOR TWO PEOPLE, NOT JUST ONE, NOT JUST YOU, AND NOT JUST HIM. Joshua and I discuss problems together. We do not go to bed until we make sure that both of us "forgive and forget". We think of solutions or better ways to talk about an issue.

The most likely issue that we fight about is TRUST. He lied to me many times, I know that I did too. But the most important thing is, either way, everything must be revealed. 


ALWAYS let him know that you are open and willing to listen whatever mistake he'd committed in the past or present and you are not going to judge him by those mistakes. Tell him that you will accept him even if he done something wrong. Judging him or threatening him that you will leave him whenever he lies, do something wrong, cheated etc. will deprive him of telling you the truth. Therefore, he will just lie to you because he knows you'll be upset and might not understand him. TRY TO LISTEN TO HIM FIRST, TRUST YOUR PARTNER WHATEVER HIS EXPLANATION HE GIVES TO YOU. GIVE YOUR PARTNER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. Don't self-pity because your partner upset you. Sometimes, the problem is in ourselves. We tend to expect something from the other then if he happened not achieving what we wanted, we get upset. Again, just LISTEN.

"It is best to hear the truth from you than to know it from others. Knowing it from others will just double up the pain"

"OK, You lied to me, but that doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. Tell me the truth as early as possible..."

What is the first thing that pops up in your head when you hear/read "No.1 Relationship problem?"

For me, as I said awhile ago, LIES which may be equivalent to CHEATING!

Cheating is the moooost awful thing that could strike in a relationship. It can destroy a long-term relationship in just a snap. I think most of the couples can't fix this. The mere fact that finding out that your partner had been cheating on you, once or for a long time, is the best time to leave him (or her). 

I don't think explaining is good when you actually caught them in the act! But If you are just suspicious, don't let your husband know that you are, but don't let your guards down. Do not check his phone or ask him like you already know, because for sure he will have a hint that your are suspecting him, therefore he will be more careful and secretly. Investigate thoroughly first, then if you believe you have a legitimate reason to accuse him of cheating, then talk to him. DO NOT YELL AT HIM FOR GOD SAKE! THERE IS NO INTELLIGENCE IN SHOUTING! I know it feels really bad, you want to kill that woman, punch him in the face or kick him in the balls, but hold your horses, You might end up saying things you didn't really mean to say then regret it the day after.

Even if you try to work it out and get through it, it doesn't mean that it will work out always. Because all the trust in the relationship has been shattered. 

"...No matter how much anyone promises there will be no other indiscretions, both people will expect the other to one day fall into bed with someone else."

According to my resource, the second most issued problem among couples is independence and/or dependence. It is hard to balance independence and dependence to each other. Too much of any of those two will cause one or the other feel smothered. 

"If a couple gets to the point where they have nothing in their life apart from each other, they need to back away a little. Otherwise, one partner will feel the need for space and resent the other for taking their freedom away."

Also, if we get too independent to each other, any one of you will get to that point of feeling lonely. Little time given to the other may cause distance, loss of affection and may lead to cheating. When a person feels lonely, that's when the relationship is most vulnerable to cheating. The lonely one will tend to find companions. He/She will have the "thirst" of affection, appreciation, and attention. We must give at least a little effort to let our loved one know that they are loved and appreciated, maybe not every time but often. Just let him/her know. :)

Another one problem that we often argue about is the past. All the faults, the flaws, the mistakes he made just comes running back to me and haunt me. But don't blame me, I have trouble trusting people because of some personal reasons.

"People who live in the past find it impossible to move forward. If one of you insists on comparing your new relationship to previous ones, the future doesn't look good."

Learning from past mistakes should be practiced (I have trouble doing this), But don't see it like it will be always that way in every relationship. Past is Past, we need to let it go and forget. The most important thing that we need to work out is the present. There is nothing you can change about the past. Don't let your past trap you and get hold of your attention while neglecting the present relationship or else the last thing you will know is that your relationship is hitting rock bottom.  

Having different goals means you are lacking of communication. If you have different goals, try to settle for the best. Try to agree to one another. If not possible, then at least try to achieve each other's goal. The key is just we must learn to give and take.

Does you he/she still have communication with his/her ex? Well as we know,  Relationship is ONLY for two people. Allowing another person join the race will stir things up and destroy everything  (HAVE YOU TRIED MAKING A LEMONADE OUT OF LEMON, COFFEE, AND SUGAR? THAT'S RIDICULOUS!) . If somebody starts "barking on the wrong tree", this will make the other one doubtful to the other and if not taken action at once, it may kill the relationship. So, it is important to open up this issue as soon as possible. Talk and let him/her know that it bothers you so much seeing him/her with that person. 

"If you're the one with the admirer, simply tell her you're not interested; being friendly with her could give her hope and permission to stick around longer and toy with your current relationship."

Do you have problems with your lover's friends or family? Luckily, I'm not one of it. I get along with my boyfriends companions and relatives. It is not good if you can't get along with them. The fact that majorityof his life is made up of his/her friends and relatives. Sometimes, It is really like that. Not all of the people is granted with relatives and friends that aren't judgemental and easy to get along with. The major problem is when he/she or you have to choose whose side are you with.




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Resources: http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-relationship-killers.html